Blogs

• September 24, 2009

  THANX

  posted by justxtragic

  I just wanted to drop a line saying a simple thank you to a few people... But first a bit of what I'm thanking them about...
  
  It may be old news, but my mom's cancer is in remission... All they have to do is finish radiation on her brain. We're not completely out of the woods yet, but at least there's light visible. I still have a lot of shit on my plate... So much it makes my mind literally shut down. It goes to where I can't even think. I get physically sick from stress... Vomiting, shakes, cold sweats... I've even hallucinated... Hallucinated some really bad shit... But I don't think it's serious. I hear severe depression can cause hallucinations so...
  
  Anyway, as a good deal of you may already know, I am FUCKED. Lol. Just confirming.
  
  I want to thank three people that are in my life, whom I know well...
  
  My best friend and soul sister... You guys know her as 'TrailxTerror' on here. She has helped me so much... I have two lifelines, and she's the one that keeps me open to people... To not shut myself away. If her lifeline to me was cut... I would return to the empty shell I was before... Only I would really push that 'self destruct' button. She's my anchor... She keeps me sane...
  
  My other best friend... You guys know her as 'Kitty' on here. She loves me... I know she does. And she's really helped me through a lot of shit too... Though she probably didn't know it. She sees a different side of me... I'm just so afraid I'll lose her if I show her any other side. But I wanna thank her too... Thank her for not pushing things too much... Thank her for helping me out of my anorexia... For just fucking holding me and telling me things would be okay...
  
  My mom... Even though she makes me crazy, and hurts me like no one else ever could... Her words cut me so well... She's always been there, though. Always. Through thick and thin. She's changed a lot for the better... She actually physically and verbally shows she loves me now, instead of leaving me guessing... I guessed at that for about nine years... Nine or more. I still guess sometimes... But if I thank her for anything... It's for not giving up on me.
  
  Last, but DEFINATELY not least... Papa Roach. I love these guys like fucking family. Yeah, it might be crazy, it might be stupid, but I have proven to be BOTH those things, so shut the fuck up. These guys have helped me through good times and bad. Their music was there for me when no one else was... As I carved my arms like pumpkin faces, or used my head as a god damn pinata on trees. They saw me through my transition... From Last Resort, to March Out Of The Darkness. Compaire those songs and you will see just how much these guys, and the people above helped me. Sure, Time Is Running Out, and Take Me are still my anthems... But as long as I have these guys pounding in my ears, and hold those special people above close... I know I'll be alright.
  
  And I also wanna thank you guys... My Papa Roach family out there! Those people who offered to lend an ear when ever I felt like talking... Even if I didn't take up your offer, I want YOU guys to know, it meant more to me than you guys will ever know. Just the offer... Just seeing that there are people out there that DO care. I'm not alone. I can reach out, and my hand will actually be taken, not slapped away... Some of you will know... Others will have no idea. Some may have a good laugh at this blog right here. Well, I hope they do. Have a good long fucking laugh... Glad I could entertain. But these words come from the bottom of my heart.
  
  So... Just wanted to say 'Thanx' < 3
  Peace~