Blogs

• September 15, 2009

  EMOTIONALLY NEEDY?! WTFF?

  posted by justxtragic

  What in the hell is wrong with me?! I'm so emotional today it's not even funny... I'm usually hard, angry, and hostile... I use aggression to express my hurt and sadness... Not actual hurt and sadness! I mean for no fucking reason at all, I just randomly start crying. Or start crying over the smallest thing. I feel unbelievably lonely, yet I've been talking to my friends all night... Don't wanna eat... Can't sleep because I kinda did something to prohibit that... And I can't seem to convert this pain to anger anymore. So I'm just writing this kinda freaking out... I'll probably delete it after... I really just need to get this out. I don't wanna tell my friends because they'll get all worried, and some of them have enough issues... They'll give me a million and one questions about why I'm feeling like this, and I don't even know! I guess I need physical company? A hug, maybe? I don't know... I just do not know... But honestly... I'm in a mood to where I'd feel totally, one hundred percent alone while in a crowded room... I have struggled with depression for a long time... But I thought I had a system down, I thought I had it under control... I thought I could relax... But I can't... The song 'Lifeline' just came to mind... It kinda fits me right now... I fucking love Papa Roach for this very reason. They have a song that can always help me through any situation. I guess I'm putting out my hand... and asking for some help... is there anybody out there? can you pull me from this ocean of dispair? < 3
  
  Thank you all for letting me get that out... I appreciate it.