It seems like every time I get really angry or depressed, the first thing I want to do is go to get a new tattoo. I think it may stem from cutting back in the day, now I feel like this is my other way of coping, ever since my first. Cutting is a part of my past people seem to think I should regret and hide - but I don't, not anymore. It's where I've been and I'm proud to look back and say I WAS there, but now I'm HERE and done with that part of my life. No sense in being ashamed of something that kept me alive.
I get paid Tuesday and I'm supposed to be saving it up for Christmas, but if I still feel this way, I'm blowing it on the orchid tattoo I want on my foot with Papa Roach lyrics incorporated. I'm just so sick of everyone. This is the only place I can go and feel at peace and no hate for anyone here at all.
It's just, I hate my fucking job. People are always coming in with insanely special orders, such as "I want a fish fillet meal, fish dropped fresh, LIGHT salt on the fries, a double cheese burger meal with shredded lettuce, not leaf lettuce, freshly dropped, no salt on those fries, can I also get a salad without carrots?" No the fuck you can't, but you can pick them out your damn self. IT'S MCDONALD'S!
My grandma, had shingles, they got infected, she nearly died, in the hospital for a week - and had a heart bypass, stints put in, and had 5 of her shingles cut open and yadda yadda. I did everything I could for her, while working. Took care of her dogs and everything. She treated me so great for a week and we had such a good relationship and tonight she snapped and went fucking bipolar on me right after I got off of a 10 hour shift.
My boyfriend. Why should I even start on him right now? He's in his own little world. I'm at his house right now and he's just sleeping. Fucking sleeping pills. He has no vehicle, no job, hasn't really talked to me about shit in over a week and doesn't listen to me when I need to talk and has "nothing to say".
There so much more and I just don't know anymore. I haven't felt this depressed and angry in I don't know how long.
I'm just so fed up.
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![♫ Mindy! [STATE OF EMERGENCY] avatar](http://paparoach.s3.amazonaws.com/media/09/03/small.04myse2186fw.jpg)
I'm getting my next tattoo on Thursday afternoon :)
Hang in there.
You have a lot going on right now. I think that it is good that you are not cutting yourself anymore and your are prob helping someone out there by putting it out there. I thinik if getting the tattoo will help you feel better then do it. I been working in the food industry for a long time and people are rude but you cant let them get to you. A lot of times people do it on purpose. Just keep your head up